My daughters were having a conversation about their mutual friend. Something about asking for permission to meet up at a park for an art activity. One of them goes on to say,” No her mother can understand understand English but she doesn’t speak it”.
I reflected .. and my thoughts flowed.
I understand Quran, but do not speak it in action.
Or
I recite the Quran but don’t understand it!
I understand compassion, but am often judgmental.
Or
I am compassionate and supportive online but in my own home I loose cool in seconds with my children.
I understand empathy, but it is out of the window when ego kicks in.
Or
My ego prevents me of letting go of past grievances.
Wow, I can’t speak or understand!!
I am like google copy paste , translation.
Zoom gatherings in the covid era, lectures, podcasts, counseling sessions, Instagram/Facebook/ YouTube videos, stories and posts.
All of these are speaking to us. In fact the messages are amplified.
You get daily email reminders, then our social media reminders, our own phones set to alarms, a text from someone to remind…..
And yet we either fail to speak or understand.
In all fairness. I must say, we try. We try hard. We fail, we try again.
When a person learns a new language, they fall short of words and makes grammar mistakes. Somehow they manage to make their point, through tone and facial expressions. But when the yearning to be understood supersedes, people read. They study, they test themselves they give hours to homework, they find teachers and support to speak with. They make sure that their thoughts and actions carry weight.
What did you do Iram, to speak the language of Quran and did you understand it?
How far did you go?
About Muhasaba
It’s tough. I know I am scared of accounting for the kind of day I have spent. I fear all the things I missed and in my anxiety forget to account for the things I actually did.
However overcoming this fear is also part of learning to speak and understand. Speak to self, analyze the pitfalls, see what is required to change and where is it required.
I pray that may Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala grant us the capacity to speak and understand our truths, stories and goals. So that when Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala will speak to us, we won’t have to say much except for His glorification. Ameen.
