My new read : Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills

Aslam o Alikum Wa Rahmatullahe Wa Barakatuhu, am happy to share gems from this new parenting book”The Uncontrollable Child”by Matis Miller.

In Shaa Allah a book summary will soon be coming up:) Hopefully both in English and Urdu.

(The following material is copied from the book from the book)

What does Dialectical mean?

The word “Dialectical” which shares a root word “Dialogue”is defined as the ability to create a fusion of two ideas that appear to be contradictory. In short it is finding a middle ground through dialogue and discussion.

A few good tips from the book:

1: Acting and thinking dialectically helps parents gets unstuck from ineffective power struggles to golden middle path.

2: You get a chance to expand your thought and point of view to include and understand those of your children.

3: Avoid assumptions and blame which in return reduces friction and strengthens your bonds with your children.

4: The “Dialectical Language” words,( both,and,effective,often)

5: Look for, honor and validate the truth on the other side.

6: Pay attention to your effect on others.

7: Look for causes without blaming and judgement.

8: Practice accepting change.

9: Acceptance increases the ability to change and cope.

10: Work to embrace change without fighting.

Each of these points are broken down into examples and chapters.

Like many other parenting books, the author gives scenarios and case studies for us to understand how to handle situations.

The book’s title “The Uncontrollable Child” is pretty catchy, however I have found that the majority of the work is for the parent to understand and put in action, in order to establish a loving, kind and boundary based relationship with their children at different ages and stages.

I would like to put in the Pros and Cons table of acceptance from the book, hopefully it will be a helpful tip for the parents reading In Shaa Allah.

Pros of Acceptance ( Long term )

  • Improves relationship with the child

  • Decreases tension in the house

  • Decreases parents’ stress, even if it is for a while

  • Increases child’s self esteem

  • Helps the parent get in touch with reality

Cons of Acceptance ( which we parents, have a tough time dealing with )

  • Accepting can be really difficult

  • Feels like giving up, because it requires a lot of patience and time, which we are short on if we aren’t living a mindful life of Taqwa, or at least trying to.

  • Will bring in emotions of sadness, specially if the child needs medication, therapy or requires a very different kind of a lifestyle.

I hope to bring you a short, effective book summary and discussion soon. In Shaa Allah.

Have you checked out the other Three book summaries I did recently?

1: English book review : Siblings without Rivalry

link : (

2: English Book summary and discussion: Untiggering by Iris Chen

link : (

3: English: Book summary and Discussion : Parent Shift by Linda & TY Hatfield and Wendy Thomas Russel

link: (

Were they helpful?

Your feedback is extremely helpful and important as it helps me understand the needs of the parents and cater to them. In Shaa Allah.

JazakAllah khair!