To please or not to please

It’s easy to please children. Hand them

distractions and you are set for a few hours. But at what cost? 

1: They are addicted to that distraction

2: They loose sense of purpose otherwise aka I am bored syndrome

3: They misbehave

4: They get frustrated

5: They suffer time outs

6: They get immune to the cycle

7: They manipulate to have their way

wow! they cause havoc! don’t they?

But we do realize that as parents we:

1: we were inept to busy them in play

2: did not involve them in conversations

3: did not try out hands on activities

4:could have sat with them to read aloud

5: could have asked them to make messes in the kitchen through science and life learning fun experiments and be ok to clean it later with them

6: most importantly wanted to be distracted ourselves with no brain fillers

7: are too tired, sick or at work

8: have other special needs children to take care off

8: don’t know how to play with our own children

9: are emotionally unstable to be around them

10: don’t think playing is learning

Everyone‘s circumstance will be different.But if the majority of population is complaining about the same illnesses, then the root cause too has to be the same.

6 tips to change the commonly made parenting mistakes

1: Read / Learn:

Understand and invest in your parenting techniques . Read books , listen to podcasts and lectures , attend online parenting classes , adopt positive parenting techniques, experiment with your parenting skill sets, keep exploring with practice with patience until you know you have found your best parenting formula.

2: It’s already out there! In deen we have a blueprint:

Do not follow a herd mentality. Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala Has blessed us with iman and the means to learn and understand Quran, Seerah, Sunnah examples from the lives of the sahaba, Tabieen and righteous people. Learn from their lives. Understand your purpose

3: Dua takes care of the heart:

You are stuck in your head, when you begin to believe nothing can change.Believing in Allah’s promise, making dua and asking Him to guide you through the journey erases self doubt and Waswas

4: Practice:

The teachings of Quran and Sunnah. Guard fiercely you’re salah, Quran recitation, memorization, and understanding.Implement these learnings in your daily life. Your children are observing you closely.

5: Set high standards in character building: 

Life goals should be prioritized. You should ask yourself these questions and then instill the same mindset in your children.

am I following the Quran and Sunnah

am I pleasing my Rab or my nafs

am I leading a life worthy of seeing Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala in Jannah al Firdous

am I sadiq and ameen

am i kind and patient

am I empathetic and compassionate

6: It is never too late

The power of now is liberating. We have our present to turn the page. Begin, refuel, recharge, start from

the now. Believe in the now, say Bismillah and start with one positive step that you think will work for your better parenting outcome.

Reflection:

To please or not to please:

So yes we should please Allah swt and not our nafs. Remember this, we are blessed with one life and it’s a test!

Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala mentions in the Quran

Surah Sad

وَمَا خَلَقۡنَا السَّمَآءَ وَالۡاَرۡضَ وَمَا بَيۡنَهُمَا بَاطِلً

(38:27) We did not create this heaven and earth and all that lies between them in vain.